Changing of the guard

12" PowerBook G4

This week was a momentous one for me computer-wise.  After nearly four years, I’ve retired my venerable 12″ PowerBook G4.  During its term of service it saw two full operating system releases and at least that many releases of MS Office.  It was the most rugged laptop I’ve ever owned and never failed to perform for me.  I bought it almost a year after that model came out, so the technology is almost five years old.  And yet, it took that long for it to feel like it was lagging behind or running slow.  I was actually sentimental about saying good-bye to it.  None of my Macs have ever had serious problems, but this one was the most problem-free of the seven (make that eight) so far.  It is currently listed on eBay and I hope it goes to a good home.

13" Aluminum MacBook

Its replacement is a 13″ aluminum unibody MacBook.  So far, I’m really enjoying it.  Upgrades like a fast, dual-core Intel processor, 2 Gigs of RAM, an iSight camera, superdrive, a super-bright LED widescreen display and a multi-touch trackpad are all really nice.  The unibody construction gives it a very solid feel even though it seems lighter than the old 12″ PB.  I’m sure I’ll miss the firewire port at some point, but I haven’t yet.  And I’m a little miffed that Apple won’t let the non-Pro MacBooks boot in 64-bit mode in Snow Leopard, but that’s just the nerd in me talking.  Overall, I’m very pleased with the new computer.  Still, I’m going to miss old faithful.  May it bring someone else many more years of productive use.

Glasses (part 2)

This is a continuation of my last post, so if you haven’t read that one yet, you might want to start there.

So a couple of weeks after getting my new glasses I started to notice a low-level anger in my heart. I was getting snappy with J more than normal and was just generally grumpy. After a few days of reflecting on it, I realized that I was mad that no one had noticed that I had gotten new glasses. My first thought was, “well that seems sort of petty, doesn’t it?”

So I sat with that idea for a few days and came to a deeper realization. The reason I was mad and upset was that I am not around any group of people regularly enough for them to notice that I had new glasses. In the past, my work has been a part of a team of people that I spent time around almost daily. It was the kind environment that felt like extended family.

But my current work has me largely working alone in my office either reading or writing on the computer. I know that when class teaching starts that will change some, but it still feels like I’m pretty alone in my work. For those of you who know me, you might think, “hey, he is an introvert so why is working alone such a problem?” Well, I’ve known for some time that I’m more of a “social introvert”. I may get refreshment from solitude, but I need a certain amount of people in my life to feel whole.

Over the summer I took the Strengths Finder test and discovered that my number one strength is called Connectivity. In a nutshell it means that more than anything I want to do work that I really believe in with people that I really like. That, as they say, might explain a few things. I know that this year of work is only a “season” and won’t last forever. But it does make me wonder how long I can do what I’m doing if it doesn’t involve other people on a regular basis.

In the mean time, I realize that I need to take the initiative to have people in my life more often. So if I ask you to have lunch with me on a regular basis, don’t be too surprised.

Glasses (part 1)

Glasses. I’ve worn them since I was nine years old, so I’ve had a number of pairs over the year. I really like getting new glasses. It only happens every couple of years, so it can be pretty exciting. But this time, it was a little more disappointing than usual. Don’t get me wrong, I love my new ones (see picture), but there was a lot of unexpected emotional baggage that came with this pair.

To start with, I discovered that this time I needed to move to “progressive lenses”, which is 21st century speak for bi-focals. Up to this point, living life as a man in his 40s hasn’t seemed very different than it was in my 30s. But the shift to progressive lenses was one of those subtle reminders that I’m slowly getting older and my body isn’t always going to function like it did in my 20s.

The other issue that hit me was the price of the silly things. In the past, I’ve expected to pay around $400 for a pair of glasses. My vision is bad enough that I need the high-tech lenses which are much thinner than traditional ones, otherwise they would just fall off my face from the weight. So the “two pair for $99 in an hour or less” option has never been available to me.

But this time, I was hit with the extra manufacturing cost of progressive lenses. Combined with the high-index material, scratch coating (because if I’m paying this much, I don’t want them to scratch) and the anti-glare coating (I work with people so it helps to have them be able to see my eyes) I was looking at $650 just for the lenses. Add in frames, fees and taxes and now I’m up over $800! $800! That’s a good used Stratocaster or Telecaster. That’s only a little less than a brand new MacBook Pro. That’s real money, folks. Ouch!

I know I shouldn’t complain. It’s mostly just the shock of it. Of course my vision is more important to me than things. And I did receive an offer from a friend for half off the frames, but I would have had to drive to Topeka for it to work (1 hour away). I guess it is just a little disappointing that I’ll have to pay so much to compensate for my deteriorating body from now on. Maybe this is part of the “groaning inwardly as we wait eagerly for the adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.” (Rom 8:23)

In that case, I guess I’m glad that I know the end of the story. Still, it makes me long for my real home and a day when my corruptible body will put on the incorruptible and no longer need glasses (and maybe even get hair?).

Baby milestone

For the last few weeks we’ve watched Chloe attempt to roll over from her stomach to her back with only occasional success. Yesterday she did it twice in a row but couldn’t muster up a third time so I could capture it on video. Today, she had five roll-overs in her and I caught one on video. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=by_3M89xLec&feature=youtube_gdata

New address and life update

Welcome to the relaunched version of my blog. It’s been a while since I last wrote but a lot has happened in that time span.

The most significant thing of course is that I became a father to a wonderful little girl named Chloe. J gave birth in June (Father’s Day to be exact) and life has been very different for us ever since. We love our little girl more than we imagined was possible. But parenting may be the most difficult thing we’ve ever undertaken.

I’m sure that all the other parents reading this will think I’m just whining, but I think J and I have a situation that is exceptional among our friends and peers. Both of us were single for many years before we got married. I specifically was 38 at the time. That’s a lot of years spent only having to think about yourself and it afforded a lot of freedom. Adjusting to marriage didn’t seem as difficult to us as we thought it would. In many ways, learning to live with another person who is totally capable of taking care of their self was fairly easy. After so many years of singleness, we had each had to work through issues of self-worth and identity apart from a relationship to another person. So we felt like fairly whole people when we married and weren’t looking for the other person to meet some serious need.

But a baby is an entirely different story. She needs us to meet needs she has that sometimes we aren’t even aware of. And it can be exhausting – both physically and emotionally. This week Chloe has been extra grumpy (possibly a three-month growth spurt a little early) and has even had her first few “meltdowns” (periods of serious crying). Up until now, she has been a really easy baby with minimal fussiness. But the last two days have been really different. It has been especially stressful on J. She has been completely drained emotionally and physically by the end of the day. I’ve never seen her so stressed. The crying is like fingernails on a chalkboard to her and pushes her buttons faster than anything I’ve ever seen.

As a work-at-home dad, I’m glad I can be here to help out, but it ends up draining me too. And J feels terrible that helping her takes me away from work at times – despite my assurances that I don’t mind helping. The tiredness level isn’t quite to the point of where it was the first few weeks home from the hospital, but I haven’t been this tired in a while. There have been situations in the last few days where I’ve been very aware that, at that moment, I’ve been living very much like Jesus. And there have been other situations where I’ve been aware that I’ve been a complete…well, let’s just say not very much like Jesus. I so want to meet Jesus in these challenging moments and help our little family trust Him with our circumstances. But often I feel a little over my head. If you are the type that is inclined towards praying, we would appreciate it. Maybe something along the Psalm 23 lines.

The Speedway

OK, I’ve been threatening to blog about this for quite some time and finally got the inspiration to do so. My wife and I live in a fairly quiet neighborhood filled mainly with young families or retired folks. So it always strikes me as odd when we hear some car or truck flying down our street at high speed. According to the Kansas DMV Handbook, the speed limit in non-industrial areas is 30 mph. But we regularly hear cars go by that have to be going 40 or over. So, we have jokingly taken to referring to our street as The Speedway.

At first, it was funny to us but as we get nearer to having children of our own (two weeks or so) it has started to seem more dangerous than funny. I guess we should be grateful that the city finally posted a yield sign at the intersection near our house. For the first few years we lived here there were no signs at the intersection at all. All the high-speed traffic makes me appreciate the speed bumps that I encountered driving in Mexico a little more.

I’m baaaaaaack

Friends have been asking me to blog again for a while. I’ve been avoiding it because all of my posts during my first blogging phase seemed fairly reflective and possibly even deep and meaningful. Not that I don’t still have those kinds of thoughts, but life since then has been full of change (marriage, job change, expecting a baby) and I suppose it is fair to say that I don’t have those kinds of thoughts as often.

So…every time I’ve thought of blogging again, it has been about things much less reflective and of course I’ve felt like they somehow don’t count or aren’t worthy of blogging. But if I’m going to start again, I suppose I’ve got to start somewhere, so I’ll start with the seemingly mundane – SciFi and Fantasy TV programming!

A couple of friends have asked recently what I think about the new Joss Whedon series Dollhouse. After only two episodes, here are my thoughts: So far, I’d give it an OK. It didn’t have the WOW factor that the first episode of Fringe did, but it was, well…OK. It also doesn’t seem vary Joss-y: the dialogue doesn’t have that smart quality typical of his previous work, the characters (not just the dolls) don’t seem to have much personality yet, and I still don’t understand what makes the dolls want to go sit in the chair at the end of each mission but maybe that will be explained later.

Also in my SciFi cue this spring is Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. I know the ratings are needing some help, but I’m a sucker for the show. The characters are interesting, the drama is intense, the action is great and hey, it’s Terminators for crying out loud. I actually had the thought the other day (and this could be Terminator heresy) that Lena Heady is a better actress than Linda Hamilton. Now, before both of my readers have heart attacks just remember that Linda was my first celebrity crush. But Lena simply has a better range of emotions she can portray. She can do intense, sympathetic, tender and everywhere in between. Aside from the screen full of endoskeletons, losing her from TV will be the saddest part if the show is cancelled – so watch it!

I’ll finish on the Fantasy side. I’m pretty sure the only fantasy show on regular TV right now is Legend of the Seeker, a syndicated series produced by Sam Raimi of Xena and Hercules fame and based on the Sword of Truth novels by Terry Goodkind. Don’t worry, the show won’t be giving Lord of the Rings a run for its money any time soon, but it is notably better than Herc or Xena. The writing is better and it feels like they are majoring on trying to tell a story, not showing as much mid-riff as possible. If you are a fan of the genre, it will be enjoyable, it not, well…there is a lot of other stuff on TV.

In Memoriam…

Yesterday I had the horrible privilege of speaking at the memorial service of a former student and friend. Richard Ryan Heyroth (the one in the hat) died in a canoeing accident on August 5th. He was only 30 years old and leaves a wife and 18 month old son behind. I had the honor of knowing Rich for four years while he was a student at K-State involved in the campus ministry that I lead. He is one of those people that I am blessed for having known.

I think the hardest part of the day was talking to his father after the service. What do you say to a man who has lost his son – and a wonderful one at that? I can only hope that my presence and kind words were of some comfort to him. Personally, I’m probably still a little in shock over the whole thing, and still very sad. As a tribute to Rich, I am posting the words I shared yesterday.

From the time that I first met Rich as a sophomore who had just transferred to K-State, I knew that I was going to like the guy. Not only did Rich share a love for the guitar and the music of Bon Jovi, but he had a desire to grow in his relationship with God and to love people and point them towards Jesus. He was one of those transfer students that every campus minister dreams of meeting.

We spent many hours during the years that I mentored Rich praying for his friends and talking about how he could help them experience Jesus. One of his regular concerns was for his roommate in the dorm who was a new or young follower of Jesus. Rich spent many hours talking, praying and living life with that young man, even after they moved out of the dorm after their sophomore year into separate residences. And I have to think that Rich is one of the main reasons that young man is following Jesus today and serving as a youth pastor in his local church.

In the Bible, the apostle Peter tells us that those who follow Jesus should always be ready to make a defense to anyone who asks for a reason for the hope that is within them. And he says that they should do so with gentleness and respect. I think that is a great description of Rich. He was never the kind of guy who would beat people over the head with his faith. Instead, he loved people where they were and treated them like he thought Jesus would. And when the time was right, he would tell them why he lived like he did.

For those of you who knew him, you know that it made him a wonderful person to be around. You always felt safe with Rich. He was such an inviting person who always seemed to have room in his heart for new people. And it didn’t matter if you didn’t share his faith in Jesus yet. I never once saw Rich refuse someone his friendship just because they didn’t believe what he did. He was a friend in the truest sense of the word.

And he wasn’t just that way some of the time. He was like that all of the time. Whether he was relating to Liz & Ethan, or his friends and family or his co-workers or the students that he taught and coached, Rich was always Rich. What you saw was what you got. And what you got was pretty wonderful. And I think that is why we will miss him so much.

Rich lived his life loving God, loving others and pointing them towards Jesus. And he died doing the same. The writer of Hebrews tells us to remember those who lead us and imitate their faith. Rich’s faith was worth imitating. Well done, my friend.

13 August, 2007

Transitions

Since my last post when I announced my engagement in September life has been and continues to be a series of transitions. The first of the transitions was the move to married life. Jenni and I were wed in December and have spent the last six months getting oriented to married life. Having remained single into our thirties (way into my thirties), our experience is unique among our friends. We regularly encounter extreme gratefulness to God for allowing us to finally find each other. At the same time, we regularly find ourselves butting up against our well-developed patterns of life/though that we established during our singleness. It makes for an interesting experience at times, but we are still enjoying the journey.

The second transition is the vocational one. Two weeks ago, we decided to transition off of the staff of Campus Crusade in order to work with Emmanuel House Seminary here in Manhattan, KS. We have both discovered over the last few years that shepherding others towards maturity in Christ and developing leaders for God’s work in the world are passions of ours. And while we had both been involved in those activities in our respective ministries, we felt that Emmanuel House afforded us the opportunity to work more out of our giftings and preferred work styles as we did so.

Personally, this move has been an emotional one for me. Although I sense that this move is from the Lord, it is difficult for someone like me who has a high loyalty factor to say good-bye to an organization and a family of people who have been so wonderful to me and have given me the platform to influence others for the kingdom for almost 16 years. In many ways it is another loss for me. For those of you reading this who are a part of the Crusade family, we are planning on attending Ministry Days in July in Ft. Collins and hope to catch up with many of you there.

We are excited for this next phase in life and invite you all to share it with us.

Engaged

There are some people who thought this would never happen. And at times in my life, I was one of them. But on Friday night, I got to see the good Lord’s provision first-hand. I took Jenni up to Scenic Overlook outside of town which was the site of our first kiss. As we watched darkness descend on the Konza prairie we talked about our relationship and some of our favorite memories.

At one point, Jenni reminded me that our first visit to Scenic Overlook was after my mother’s birthday party where she had met my family for the first time. She said, “I remember thinking that I really loved those people (my family).” To which I replied, “Well, I hope you’ll be willing to love them for a long time.” I then sat her on a nearby bench, got down on one knee, pulled out the ring and said, “Jenni, I love you. Will you marry me?” She said “Yes” immediately and there was much rejoicing! Hooraaayyyyy!

In the few days since, there have been times when we have both gotten nervous or frustrated with the process. But the experience of helping each other through those moments gives me a glimpse of what marriage could be like and makes me even more excited. We aren’t sure what we will do next in life. We are both in campus ministry and want to continue to develop healthy leaders and laborers for the kingdom, we just don’t know where or how yet. We will keep you posted. (Note: I said “we”)